so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
