you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
