Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize