weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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