Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
