Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
