I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
