i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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