Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
