Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
