Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize