i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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