Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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