and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
