So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
