So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize