i barfeds in our rink
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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