Whod you bang
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Even my vagina gasped.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
