He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
