apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
