haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
