i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
