Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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