Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
