We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
