Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize