Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
