God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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