her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
