they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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