I cockslap morals
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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