Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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