just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
