Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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