I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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