i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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