I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize