dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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