if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I met the friendliest cop last night
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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