You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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