Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
