C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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