I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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