Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
