I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
