So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
