I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
