Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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