careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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