He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
