I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize