i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
