Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
