I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
