Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
