Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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