Im at strip club and am horny
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Randomize
