This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
