Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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