also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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