Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
