Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
