Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
